Have you ever noticed that something isn’t quite right with you? Have you ever felt rotten inside, but not exactly sure how much? Then this quiz is for you!
How would people describe you?
a. Singing diva with a bite.
b. Party animal that stays up all night.
c. A big guy/gal with an eye on the prize.
d. A true fire-breather.
e. Rotten sense of humor.
Where do you feel the most comfortable?
a. Surrounded by terracotta with partial sunlight.
b. A good suburban sprawl outside of London by day; the woods by night.
c. On an island with a lot of space for my work and my goats.
d. Caves. The more stalagmites, the better.
e. Wherever people are just standing around, like waiting rooms or cemeteries.
How are your classes this quarter?
a. I try to take classes that allow me to express myself so that I can get graded for being me.
b. I make up for my restless nights during class.
c. I’m still having trouble with scissors, and they won’t let me move up.
d. I try to avoid classes that oftentimes involve debates because I tend to get hot-headed.
e. The only reason I show up is to get cheap laughs by pulling pranks on the teacher and interpreter.
You are most likely to be watching...
a. “Glee.” I love when the kids belt it. I’m hoping for an agriculture related episode soon.
b. “New Moon.” It’s great that the media is finally becoming more open-minded.
c. “The Princess and the Frog.” Finally, Disney has a cartoon for those challenged by depth perception, but the plot is a little tricky.
d. Anything on SyFy. I’m really at home with the Fantasy genre.
e. Late night HBO. Sometimes it’s funny, and sometimes there are boobs. Win-win.
What do you find yourself doing on a typical Saturday night?
a. Sitting at home, waiting for something warm-blooded to come my way.
b. Typical bro stuff — Howling, shape shifting, and looking for women.
c. Hammering away and scaring people off my property.
d. Just flying around, burning up the pavement.
e. Playing pranks on the living, and maybe some standup.
How do you act at parties?
a. I try to be the center of attention and upstage anyone who tries to outshine me.
b. Usually, I’m fairly reserved, but I tend to go into “beast mode” at night.
c. Despite my size, I’m a bit of a lightweight and end up trashing the place.
d. I prefer parties outside because I can be a bit of a fire hazard indoors.
e. I take as much as I can get for free and hit on every girl. I usually get into fights, but my wit always triumphs in the end.
What do you look for in a companion?
a. Obedience, warmth and a love for show tunes.
b. Someone willing to hold me down when I get too rough.
c. Someone with a kind eye and isn’t afraid of heights.
d. Someone who likes a little heat but won’t provoke my temper.
e. Looks that kill, and someone who doesn’t mind dirt under my fingernails, or anywhere else.
You meet someone you’re interested in. What do you do next?
a. Entertain them with a song and then if he/she’s willing, maybe a little nibbling.
b. Ask him/her out on a date coinciding with the next full moon.
c. Ask him/her to step closer so I can get a better look.
d. Barbeque a feast for him/her without starting the grill.
e. Don a tacky suit and charm him/her with crude jokes.
What gift would you love to receive?
a. A little more sun.
b. Clothes that stretch.
c. A monocle.
d. Golden jewels.
What is your biggest weakness?
a. I’m very sensitive to the cold and weed killer.
b. Silver bullets. And I don’t know where people keep finding them.
c. Faulty depth perception and slow speed.
d. Missiles and the scent of a virgin. (But who could be immune to that?)
e. Hearing my name three times. I have to tell the ladies/fellas that twice is more than enough.
How do you react when you get angry?
a. I pull out all of my diva moves. Scream, cry and threaten.
b. I become an animal.
c. I start smashing things.
d. I’m definitely a hot head, and I can’t seem to keep my mouth shut.
e. Get revenge.
What is your beauty secret?
a. Singing while eating keeps the tentacles young.
b. Hours of combing and the moon’s glow keeps my fur shiny.
c. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
d. Minty gum to keep my breath “fiery fresh.”
e. Allowing nature and worms, to cover me when I sleep.
Mostly As: Audrey II from “Little Shop of Horrors”
You’ve got a beautiful voice and an insatiable hunger. You prefer others to do your bidding, but you’re very particular about what you want. Easily jealous, you need someone that will always care for you and supply you with fresh blood.
Mostly Bs: Werewolf
Do you tend to blackout each month? You might want to be wary around full moons because you tend to lose control, ending up with tattered clothes and bloodied hands. While some may dig your late night habits, they probably aren’t too keen on the howling or mauling.
Mostly Cs: Cyclops
You may not be at the top of your class, but you are in tune with your feelings. Your good eye helps you see simplicity and beauty everywhere, but a little depth perception could help. Sometimes your size gets in the way; it’s not easy for someone to love a person who is more than three stories tall.
Mostly Ds: Dragon
Known for your short temper and fiery outbursts, you tend to want things done your way. Burning bridges, hillsides and townspeople is not the easiest way to meeting new people. Be wary of princes, because they often lead to an unhappy ending.
Mostly Es: Betelgeuse from “Beetlejuice”
You’re used to being the center of attention, willing to do anything for a laugh from the living or the dead. Always showing off your (scaring) abilities, you make a lasting first impression. But deep down inside, past the ugly suits and crudeness, there is a sweet side dying to get out.