Rhyming sucks, I do declare,
It should be banished everywhere.
It mangles phrases, takes away
From what the authors wish to say.
When the rhyming art begins,
Substance falters, style wins.
Any meaning held is lost.
Is twisting English worth the cost?
See the havoc rhymes have wrought:
Pick a sentence, deep with thought.
Add some rhymes and take a look,
The words read like a children’s book.
Dr. Seuss and Wu-Tang Clan:
Hip hop crew and Green Egg man.
Yet they are both one in the same
Considering the words they maim.
Even worse are names that rhyme.
It legally should be a crime.
Who is Dora the Explorer?
Don’t know, but I sure abhor her.
Is it hard to speak in prose?
Rappers can’t at sold-out shows.
Poets could, but often don’t.
Children’s authors straight up won’t.
For example, take the word
“Cadillac” — it’s quite absurd.
I will not rhyme it on this page,
Nor ever in this modern age.
I would not rhyme it in a box.
I could not rhyme it with a fox.
I will not rhyme it with a mouse.
I will not rhyme it in a house.
I will not rhyme it just to holler.
I might rhyme it for fifty dollars.
I guess I’d rhyme it to get paid,
And surely if it got me laid.
I’d rhyme it if, some coming day,
I’m writing tracks with Dr. Dre.
And I suppose rhyming’s more fun
Than catching hot lead from a gun.
“Cadillac” is stupid still.
I’ll never rhyme it, never will!
Unless I had a decent reason,
Like avoiding jail for treason?
I guess rhyming’s not that bad,
Maybe more than a passing fad.
Maybe I will rhyme Cadillac...
Druggie horses... smoke saddle crack.
The opinions expressed in the Views section are solely those of the author.