Thursday, 6:40 p.m.
Steve Jobs holding the iPad looks like a midget holding an iPhone. This cannot be unseen.
from text

Wednesday, 9:55 a.m.
So, I was eating a banana walking to class, and I never realized how sexual it was until some random man winked at me. RIT boys need to get laid so I can eat my fruit in peace!
from text

Sunday, 7:44 p.m.
There are few things more uncomfortable than sitting on a warm toilet seat.
from text

Thursday, 11:32 a.m.
Every time I text you, Rings, I’m pooping. Give me a blumpkin. Look it up.
from text

Tuesday, 5:27 p.m.
Hey Rings, uh... girls at RIT are like parking spaces. They’re either handicapped... Oh no, aw [hey heck] or, taken? No? [LOL]
from voicemail

Sunday, 4:19 p.m.
So, I had a party at my UC, and I learned the coffee tables housing gives you can support 5 people dancing on them. Thanks RIT!
from text

Monday, 7:31 a.m.
Well my Colony basement has flooded three times, the sink fell off the wall, the front door broke, and it’s haunted. Where’s my tuition going?
from text

Friday, 10:35 a.m.
So, there are some Starcraft enthusiasts in KGCOE. Is GCCIS invading its neighbors? I’m scared!
from text

Friday, 5:21 p.m.
Rings, I just need you to know this. I don’t want to [dip it in] her, but when I see her naked, I [want her and her beautiful soul].
from voicemail