Wednesday, 11:06 a.m.
Hey Rings, I think my GPS is broken. I’m trying to drive to Pennsylvania for spring break and I’m kind of in D.C. right now. Call me back with some directions. Thanks.

Sunday, 12:08 p.m.
It pisses me off so much. During break — the weekend before break, actually — RIT’s dining services are non-existent. Not everyone can afford to go off campus to get food. It’s such [harsh expletive]! I haven’t eaten in three days and I’m [!#@*^%] unhappy. This has got to change.

Saturday, 1:06 a.m.
Ok, so were having a party and my friend just humped a hippo. Like [wtf mate], who actually humps a hippo?

Friday, 1:18 p.m.
We were wondering how much soda the Reporter could absorb. We just spilled soda all over the lounge and it’s the only thing we could find to clean it up. Bye.

Monday, 8:28 p.m.
RIT Rings, what’s up? It’s Monday and the flags are all at half-staff. What’s up with that? Give me a call back when you find out. Bye.

Monday, 2:33 p.m.
I don’t know why my calc final is in building seven, but it’s [priceless]. The faces I’m getting from the art kids as I sit here practicing my mathing — apparently, this is a calc-free zone. Don’t worry, art kids, I’ll get out of your hair soon.

Saturday, 2:18 a.m.
I just wanted you to know that my roommate has done laundry a total of five times since we’ve been here.

Friday, 10:27 p.m.
Hey Rings, the girl that I’m in a self-proclaimed open relationship with just told me that she loves it when I use my biology language to talk dirty to her. I’m such a nerd.

Friday, 5:07 pm.
I’m just calling to say I’m no longer a virgin. Yeah, the physics exam just raped me pretty hard and it kind of hurt because it didn’t use any lube.