You might have taken the moniker “spring
break” to mean what it implied: That spring was
around the next corner in sight. But as you turn
that proverbial corner, all you see is a month of
ice and sleet followed by a month of torrential
downpours and mud. You might find yourself
staring at those eggshell white walls of yours
for a little longer than previously anticipated.
It’s time to break a few of those eggshells (not literally;
don’t sue me) and make a visually superior
omelet that would make HGTV cringe.
Frame Some Photos
I am in no way suggesting that you
print out photos
you have taken.
Those are for Facebook.
Instead, get a stack of magazines and just cut out
whatever you want. Cut out happy strangers and put them
on your wall as if they were cherished family. Start to believe
that they are cherished family. Make up complicated
background stories for these people and tell naive visitors
about your Uncle Thelonius who makes a successful living
selling hot dogs out of a Winnebago on the roadside.
Art Things Up
Real art is a tad expensive, and not everyone
has earned enough to turn their own living
space into a gallery. Posters will always be little more than
posters: No matter how scantily clad the women are, they’re
not going to get any more or less naked. You need something
a little more organic. The dorms had the right idea with the
little dry erase boards outside each door, but now you need
to think bigger.
A friend’s hallway is lined with a strip of paper and duct tape
holsters that are full of colored pencils and crayons. Think of
it as your own personal graffiti wall. This works especially
well in high-traffic apartments with large reserves of alcohol.
If you don’t remember last night, there’s always the chance
that someone has documented the events on the wall so that
you don’t need to ask anyone.
Results may vary. Maintain control of your own wall. For some
apartments, this will inevitably turn into a bathroom stall, or
your own personal RIT Rings. Less vulgar residences might just
put math equations on the wall. Just remember: Whatever ends
up on the wall is a reflection of your inner soul.
Don't Paint The Walls
Most of us have RAs, landlords, and other authority figures in our lives
who frown upon experiments in color. Even if you’re fine with telling
them to go to hell, you probably don’t want to say the same to your security
deposit, so it’s time to look for an alternative.
Party stores typically sell long rolls of opaque plastic, usually about 50-feet long by about three-feet wide. They come in a rainbow of colors,
and are cheap at about $15-20 a roll. Pick one color and stick to it. The
indecisive or gaudy-of-taste can pick a couple of colors. Make sure the
material doesn’t make good apartment kindling.
Two rolls can probably cover a living area. Used conservatively, it might
be possible to faux wallpaper a dorm with one roll. Just cut strips to the
height of the room and
tack or staple the top corners
in place. Leaving the
bottoms free to flutter is
an eccentric option.
Paint The Walls
If you are rich enough to pay the fines, abandon
your security deposit, or own your own place,
get a few colors mixed up specially. First, paint
the top half of a room blue-grey, like the sky,
then paint the remaining third of the bottom a
sandy beige color. The space in between should
be a mid-tone blue-green, like water. Paint a
darker shade right at the “horizon line.” The
space won’t look like a beach, per se, but out
of the corner of your eye, you will see a horizon
line in the room, and it will make the space
seem a bit larger than usual.
The trick is in keeping it simple. Don’t paint a
beach, just get the colors and horizontal lines
of the beach in there, and go with naturalistic
colors. The sky isn’t cyan. The water isn’t blue.
The sand isn’t yellow. And if the beach isn’t your
thing, try to come up with color schemes to represent
your own favorite landscape.