Thursday, 10:15 p.m.
Rings, what happened? I called two weeks ago about saving me from getting kicked out of the school and I’m still getting kicked out. It’s happening. What the [fcuk]. I’m so upset because I love RIT and [Tim and Alan] and [Sally]. Please, RIT Rings, save me from getting kicked out and help me to come back next year. How do I end this call? Oh, now I see.

Tuesday, 1:44 a.m.
I’m just calling to say that Jabba the Hutt could totally [love] a girl with his tongue. Seriously, his tongue his so freakin’ huge. He could give a girl [unimaginable pleasures] in seconds.

Saturday, 7:14 p.m.
I’m trying to get my roommate laid so he’ll stop complaining about everything and being so pessimistic about the future of the world and his life. So when you get hot girls that call if you could just give them his number that would be great. I swear he needs it, Rings. He needs to be laid so badly.

Saturday, 12:52 a.m.
Hey Rings, I’m out. It’s Friday, I think. Is it Saturday? Is it? Oh, it’s officially Saturday because it’s 12:52. Holy [yule logs]. Anyways, I’m with a bunch of upperclassmen and I’m only a freshman, but it’s totally awesome because it’s been really chill. I’m not going to lie, the first couple of parties we went to were kind of lame. It’s okay, though, because I’ve got you, Rings, to rant to.

Friday, 11:31 a.m.
I just want to say that all boobs have magical powers so, girl who called in last week, don’t feel special.

Thursday, 11:09 p.m.
Ok, so I’m looking at RIT Rings and at the bottom it say to hear this article out loud go to reportermag.com. So I went to the website and I couldn’t hear anything. I’m kind of a little upset because I think if it says I should hear something, I should be able to hear something. Anyways, sorry for the bad phone call.

Thursday, 4:03 p.m.
I was just in my Molecular Biology class talking about your Word on the Street and, well, DNA doesn’t unzip jeans. I think that your Environmental Science student you interviewed might not make it.

Thursday, 2:50 a.m.
Hey, RIT Rings I have a huge roommate dilemma. Do you have any extra air fresheners, shampoo products or soaps? Because my roommate just informed me that she hasn’t showered in over a week.

Friday, 1: 34 p.m.
I think that it’s [hillbilly] ridiculous that parking in a reserved spot is a higher fine than parking in a handicapped spot. RIT, what the [hick] is wrong with you? Why do you [yokel] suck.