Friday, 6:37 p.m.
It’s not a party ‘til someone drags a tree limb through your living room
Sunday, 12:18 a.m.
I’m too busy to party; I just made an epic bed fort. Priorities Rings, priorities.
Monday, 1:01 p.m.
So, I just ate a bowl of blueberry muffin squares and beer... and actually enjoyed it. Gracie’s has severely lowered my standards of quality food.
Sunday, 12:28 p.m.
Hey Rings, I don’t think girls like it when you scream “Beastmode!” when switching to doggy style. Awkward.
Monday, 4:55 p.m.
I’m tired of being on my knees throwing up... I feel like Miley Cyrus.
Monday, 11:41 p.m
What the hell, dude? I just saw a Monroe County sheriff giving a Public Safety officer a ticket! Nice job.
Tuesday, 12:30 a.m.
It’s hard for me to brush my teeth when some deaf kid is jerking off in the shower.
Wednesday, 2:09 p.m.
I just saw a pocket rocket on the Quarter Mile! If there is a god, please bless my fourth year with a pocket rocket and security Segway high-speed chase.
Wednesday, 9:43 p.m.
I pay over forty thousand a year to wake up to the smell of semen. Seriously, RIT. Those trees need to go.
Thursday, 9:08 p.m.
I have a present for you, and it might be my [bologna pony].