Monday, 9:51 p.m.
Hey I just saw camp-po pulled over by a cop. They had everything spread out, giving them a full cavity search. I hope someone got a picture of that one.

Wednesday, 12:55 p.m.
Yo Rings, last night I saw a kid dance to techno music in only his cape and a pair of boxers. Totally your people.

Tuesday, 11:05 p.m.
Isaac Newton came up with the theory of gravity, but he stole it from some other dude. It was like some Indian dude like 40 years ago. So Newton is full of [shiznit]. Gravity does not exist because Newton stole the idea from somebody else, so that totally invalidates the idea. Pansy!

Wednesday, 7:14 p.m.
Rings, I would like you to consider the following: David Bowie’s crotch.

Wednesday, 9:26 p.m.
RIT Rings! I missed you. I was just wondering if you still existed. That’s it, have my babies, bye!

Wednesday, 11:36 p.m.
So I asked the waitress at Jay’s diner to marry me, and she brought me more ketchup.

Sunday, 12:26 a.m.
This is amazing. I am wearing your magazine right now. I am wearing it all over my body. Rings, I got your phone number off of the paper that I have on me right now. I made it into a dress. It’s great. Alright, bye.

Thursday, 11:21 p.m.
Rings, what is this?! Not available? It’s 11:30 at night and building eight is on fire. Why are you not answering, Rings? Why do you hate me? What happened to our relationship? I had you on speed dial! [Harsh expletive] you, Rings!

Friday, 11:37 p.m.
I’m at Letchworth State Park and I am down in the gorge. We got a fire going and it’s [fudrucking] almost midnight. This kid jumped into a tree and lost his laser, so we gotta look for it tomorrow. Oh, Kev saw a moose!

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