Tuesday, 6:17 p.m.
Hey Rings, this [ultimate act of love] construction is really bothering the [love] out of me. They better hurry the [more love] up.

Saturday, 2:27 a.m.
I just partied and made out with a professor, Ms. [name removed], at a house party. How awesome is that? What a great start-off year for me.

Tuesday, 12:24 p.m.
How about an article about Park Point? How they screwed over all their residents with one IP for all 900 residents or the fact that the homes aren’t even finished yet, or how half my lights in my apartment still don’t work? Or how about how RIT is trying to screw all of us with parking? Our friggin’ parking... we’re on campus but only when it suits RIT. Screw the bookstore, screw it all.

Tuesday, 7:27 p.m.
Hi Rings, I know you own an amazing chicken farm. You want to know why? Because you’re pretty [expletive] amazing at raising [male anatomy].

Saturday, 1:29 a.m.
I’m up sitting out here in the hallway with a bunch of other people and all of a sudden a chick comes up from another floor and she walks into the girls bathroom with a toothbrush and toothpaste and just stands in there brushing her teeth. It don’t make no sense.

Friday, 7:22 p.m.
I was going through Reporter this week and where the hell is my Sign of the Week? I want to know how to sign “sit down female dog” and some other things. So you better be there next week!

Saturday, 3:40 a.m.
I would like to report kind of an emergency. I feel it’s pretty dire. Your cartoonist sucks my [derrière].

Saturday, 1:37 a.m.
I’m taking my long [forking] drunken walk back to my apartment. And I see these people and they are obviously drunk as well, but they decided the best place to hang out for them would be the [forking] Sentinel. Who hangs out at the sentinel when they are intoxicated, especially when it’s muggy and gross and the air conditioning is [forking] broken? I’m sorry I said [fork] so many times, but that’s what you do when you’re drunk: You call Rings.