Saturday, 4:07 p.m.
Last night I was caught streaking around Perkins and all Public Safety said was to keep my clothes on and go back inside.
(from text)

Saturday, 3:21 p.m.
Grocery shopping on Yom Kippur was a bad idea. I’ve never seen so many free samples! (from voicemail)

Thursday, 11:29 p.m.
I think I’m gay for Box Man.
(from text)

Monday, 2:02 p.m.
Percentage of RIT students playing Humans versus Zombies: 30 percent. Percentage plotting how to hit the players with paintballs, ball bearings or chloroform darts: 70 percent.
(from text)

Sunday, 12:12 p.m.
I would have much rather woken up to the sound of my screeching alarm clock, than a group of tone-deaf sorority girls.
(from text)

Sunday, 1:43 p.m.
To the one we call Stammer Head: I don’t recall what happened or what I did or what your real name is. Can you help me figure out how I wound up lost in The Province?
(from text)

Tuesday, 6:04 p.m.
Since we have no parking on campus, they should just replace the Liberal Arts Hall with a parking garage.
(from text)

Wednesday, 1:06 p.m.
According to Walmart, you have to show an ID if you plan on purchasing DayQuil — and that [medicinal use-only beverage] wasn’t even on rollback!
(from text)

Jack Reickel

Friday, 4:32 p.m.
Hey Rings, if you’re looking for a quick bite to eat on campus try out the Ctrl Alt Deli — there hasn’t been a line since the release of “Halo: Reach!”
(from text)

Saturday, 2:14 a.m.
I’m at a party with a girl who is drinking beer and hobbling around on crutches. I hope she doesn’t get a CUI on her way home tonight.
(from text)