Wednesday 11:58 p.m.
Hey Rings, could you please tell the frats to go [castrate] themselves? I’m trying to sleep b/c I’m sick and those bastards are outside my window screaming their gay chants.

Wednesday 10:10 a.m.
So I’m real pissed ‘cause my girlfriend broke up with me ‘cause she wanted to date someone she could “meditate” with. Who needs meditation when you can have dick?

Tuesday 5:40 p.m.
Why do you censor cuss words in your rings? We’re all in college here. We can deal with the word [pajamas].

Wednesday 4:35 p.m.
I realized today that since Financial Services is in the new Innovation Center, my tuition money is really going down the toilet bowl.

Tuesday 2:07 p.m.
This is the seventh time I’ve walked in on my roommate masturbating. I can’t believe I’m counting.

Monday 5:50 p.m.
Rings, I just wanted to get high from my friends bong but instead I got herpes.

Tuesday 2:06 p.m.
I was hit by 50 nerd darts at once during the Human vs. Zombies event, and I wasn’t even a part of it. FML.

Saturday 11:19 p.m.
Rings! I’m Mexican and every time someone is sick, they blame me for giving them the swine flu. Can you tell them to chill and stop being such [jerk faces]? Thanks.

Tuesday 11:19 p.m.
Rings, can you please tell me what someone is going to do with 14 bags of ice from the CoHo?