Dear e,
I’m a third year girl who recently re-entered the dating
pool. I’ve never dated an RIT guy before and it’s very
weird. I’ve never had another guy be so nice and go
so out of the way for me. The problem is, he’s too nice!
I’d like him to be rougher with me, especially in (or out
of) bed. I’ve already mentioned it to him but I feel too shy
to ask again more directly. Is there anything I can do to
get my point across?
Mistress Payne
Dear Mistress,
Sure, grab him by the ear and slap him around a bit.
Okay, let’s be real. You say you don’t want to “ask again
more directly.” Does that mean you didn’t ask very directly
the first time? If so, that’s probably your problem
right there. There are guys that just don’t get it, and all
of those “I’m trying to be flirtatious, cute, and subtle”
hints fly right out the window.
Take charge. If telling him what you want doesn’t work,
then just show him. The “auditory learning versus
visual learning” concept is at work here. Some learn
best by listening, others by watching; this fact of life
applies in and out of bed as well. Also, some guys are
pretty shy. It might take a little extra persuasion, or a few
games of show and tell for him to understand what you
really want.
If you’re going to talk about it, though, it might be a good
idea to do it when you aren’t actually engaged in the
activity. A quiet moment when nothing’s going on could
make him feel less embarrassed, and he likely won’t feel
ambushed by you. You’ll want to take into consideration
that no matter how hard you try, or how nicely you ask,
some people will never change.
Be thankful you found a nice boyfriend and that he’s
not a total jerk. Unless, of course, that’s what you really
want.
e.
Dear e,
I’m going through a pretty emotional break up right now, which wasn’t the way I was
planning to start the year. She was with me for about two years, so the split was pretty
unexpected. It’s starting to affect that way I talk with people, and even the way I’m
performing in classes and at work. Do you have any suggestions for beating the blues?
Any ideas how to meet new people (not necessarily a girlfriend)?
Not Really Happy in NRH
Dear NRH,
It’s good you recognize how this is affecting you, because you can pull yourself out
before it’s too late. Here are a couple of steps to follow:
Step One / Release
Give yourself a day or two to get everything out. Whether it’s going to the gym
and letting off steam through a good workout or writing things down in a journal,
you should try to get rid of your frustration, anger, and sadness. You don’t say if
you two are still speaking, but if you’re both willing, and can act like mature adults
(that’s key), it might help to try to talk it through. At the very least, you both can leave
that discussion with closure on why this happened.
Step Two / Get Busy
RIT’s fast moving quarter system will help with this one. You need to occupy yourself;
Keeping your mind and body busy won’t leave you to sit and think things over and
over again. So go to class and work, grab meals with friends, and look for on-campus
events. Brick City Homecoming is coming up fast: October 10 - 12. Get yourself a ticket
to Bill Nye or Jimmy Fallon. Look on CAB’s website (cab.rit.edu) for other events where
you can keep your mind occupied and maybe even meet new people, which brings me
to the next step...
Step Three / New People
Meeting new people is always possible. An easy way would be to sit next to someone
different in one of your classes and strike up a conversation. There are always new
and interesting people to meet at parties, so, if you are into that kind of thing, I would
definitely recommend it. Just try to avoid the get-wasted-and-rebound-with-that-uglychick
thing.
In short, get involved! Clubs and sports are always good ways to meet new people.
Step Four / Move on
You may be thinking right now that you can never move on from this, but you will.
It takes time. Once you occupy your mind with other things, you’ll realize that you
have moved on quicker than you thought you could. And by no means does moving on
involve finding someone new; you’ll just be starting a new chapter of single life until
the right girl does come along.
e.
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