Monday, 9:22 P.M.
I was just reading last week’s issue of the Reporter and I couldn’t believe the review of Metallica’s new album. “Death Magnetic” was [horse-do]. I mean that [reviewer] is a [expletive]. He’s such a [funky] [swoosh].

Saturday, 12:17 P.M.
Dear RIT Rings, here I am again. I have a lot to say, I’m intelligent, and I make a lot of money. I’ve made a lot of bad choices, too. What am I? Keep it real!

Saturday, 4:43 P.M.
Just read your new Reporter and was looking at the new comic. I can’t believe that you got rid of your old cartoonist for that piece of [droppings]. Enjoy your new [droppings].

Monday, 2:05 A.M.
I’m stuck in my lounge and these freshmen are obsessively talking about masturbation. I’ll still be trapped in here by the time the next Reporter comes out. Could you please send for help? Please!

Sunday, 12:18 A.M.
Hey Rings, I’ve been thinking about calling you for a long time but I never had the balls to do it. But now I am!

Friday, 11:06 P.M.
Dear RIT Rings, I do believe that in order to walk past the hockey players in Colony one must have a vaccination. And I dare say that there may or may not be a sign that says that. However, all RIT students need to know that.

Saturday, 2:34 P.M.
I wanted to let you know I just finished a quart of milk in 15 minutes. Just thought you should know. That’s probably not healthy. What do you think?

Friday, 9:10 P.M.
There’s a kid living on my floor who masturbates with ketchup. He says it burns. Is that true?

Tuesday, 10:12 P.M.
The other night, I had a lot to drink and I ended up going over to this guy’s house and, well, we went all the way. The next morning I woke up and I was looking at him and he was staring at me and then he said that ‘maybe I should go take a shower.’ Why would he say that? Who says that?

Friday, 4:43 P.M.
My name is [Hoover] I have a [harsh expletive of a] roommate named [Henry] and he turned off my alarm this morning and I didn’t get to go to class on time. He’s a [pony], he’s a [roadrunner], he’s a piece of [horse chips].

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