Monday 10:29 p.m. (from text)
Just played the word semen
in “Words with Friends.”
I’M A ROCKSTAR.
Tuesday 1:52 p.m. (from text)
Some guy on the bus is watching
Jackie Chan Adventures on his
iPad. I need to shake his hand.
Tuesday 6:49 p.m. (from text)
You know it’s Week Ten when
you don’t have time for sex.
Friday 7:16 p.m. (from text)
99% of the world’s cookies are
eaten by 1% of the monsters!
Saturday 12:29 a.m. (from text)
I went to midnight breakfast at
midnight and it was over! What
the [frak], that’s like saying:
“Come to our Thanksgiving
Dinner, but it’s on Wednesday.”
Thursday 5:44 p.m. (from text)
It’s 5 p.m. on Thanksgiving, we didn’t
even eat yet and I’m on my 5th beer and
3 shots; GONNA THROW UP
ON THE TURKEY.
Saturday 4:04 p.m. (from text)
Just saw a student ride his long
board down the Global Village Hill
on his stomach like Superman.
WHAT A CHAMP!