Stu Barnes

Tuesday, 5:49 p.m.
WHAT THE [COTTON HEADED NINNY MUGGINS]!?! RIT actually has a library?! I thought that big building was just where they grew the coffee beans.

Sunday, 11:59 p.m.
So get this: sitting in Commons, watching football… All of a sudden the channel changes. What turns on? Lord of the Rings. WELCOME TO RIT.

Friday, 12:34 p.m.
So, I’m straight chillin in the SAU, and all of a sudden the banjo man himself walks in, picks up a Reporter... And can you guess what he did next? Yeah, that’s right — he flipped it open and went straight for the Rings. I’m glad our administration has good taste.

Monday, 5:55 p.m.
I noticed there’s no vegetarian sticker next to the french fries at the Ritz. What the hell are they putting in those things?

Thursday, 2:00 a.m.
Oh my god Rings help me! My roommate and her friends are currently searching the internet for “Magic: The Gathering” porn. I have no idea what to do. I have no reaction to this.

Saturday, 4:03 p.m.
Last week in Wines of the World, I answered a question that I now realize I learned the answer to from Farmville. Rings can you thank Zynga for me?

Tuesday, 5:36 p.m.
Reporter, Margaret Thatcher is in my massage class. Could you please notify the public for me?

Friday, 9:14 a.m.
We’ve got a typical RIT ratio: five guys to one girl. But none of these guys are good looking! Who said girls are “lucky” for this ratio? It’s a trap.

Wednesday, 8:48 p.m.
Hey, I just drove by Ellingson, and the combination of smoke and red light on top made me think it was a volcano!

Monday, 8:04 a.m.
Dear Rings, do you think that in Spanish pr0n they say “si” instead of yes? We should investigate!