Dig It

Have you ever wanted to watch a show depicting what it’s really like being a pregnant teenager? If so, don’t watch “The Secret Life of the American Teenager”, you will be sorely disappointed. However, if you’re interested in watching a train wreck of a TV series, then grab some popcorn and a few beers and tune in to ABC Family this January.

From the mind of former “7th Heaven” writer, Brenda Hampton, “Secret Life” is a thinly veiled attempt at a cautionary tale for teens. The story focuses around Amy Juergens (Shailene Woodley), a 15-year-old high school freshman, who winds up pregnant after a sordid evening at band camp. As if a high school filled with ethnic, religious and sexual stereotypes wasn’t already difficult enough, Amy now has to do it with a bun in the oven.

The show, which manages to draw in millions of viewers every week, might be the worst scripted drama on television. Suffering from gag-worthy dialog, horrific plot twists, terrible acting, and characters who not even the best of 3-D glasses could give depth to, it’s a wonder how this show stays on the air. But perhaps that’s its charm.

From a character standpoint, each one can be described in a few words: “Preggers Chick,” “Baby Daddy,” “The Sausage King,” and “Slutty Ethnic Girl,” to name a few. Amy, who is apparently the main character, doesn’t have much to say, but when she does talk, it’s usually an excuse for something in the form of “Because I’m a teenage mother!”

If you take a step back to admire the fact that everything about the show is bad, you might actually start to enjoy it. The situations that characters wind up are absurd. What other show could have a child with Down’s syndrome ordering a prostitute on the internet?

Why should you watch this show? Three reasons: One, it might be the funniest thing on television. Two, you’re in need of a show to scare you straight about premarital sex. Three, Molly Ringwald is in it, and you thought she died shortly after “Pretty in Pink.”