Joanna Eberts

Tuesday, 8:09 p.m.
Friends don’t let friends drive drunk, even if it’s to get something delicious.
from text

Thursday, 11:47 p.m.
So I just met snooki from jersey shore and, no lie, the first words out of that [oompa loompa]’s mouth were “did you see me get punched in the face?!?!” What a [hag]bag!
from text

Saturday, 4:00 p.m.
Hey Rings. I feel ridiculous because i’m walking home from rit with a stolen bottle of dinosaur BBQ sauce from some free lunch thing. and it’s in my pocket.
from voicemail

Saturday, 11:25 p.m.
Dear Rings, I was walking through campus the other night, and i stumbled upon the secret cat sanctuary of rit. I wonder if this is on purpose. it must be women engineering’s secret training facility to become cat ladies.
from text

Sunday, 10:58 p.m.
Hi Rings, I’m on co-op in southern kentucky. Do you think henrietta hots would mail me a garbage plate? Because that would be awesome.
from voicemail

Monday, 11:04 p.m.
I now know what I would do for a Klondike bar, and I feel dirty. from text

Saturday, 12:35 a.m.
It’s 2 a.m., and i just looked outside and saw two girls waving at us...nope they are peeing...yah, she just pulled her pants up.
from text

Wednesday, 2:08 a.m.
I’m pretty sure “no homo” does not apply to walruses.
from text

Tuesday, 1:22 a.m.
Is it immoral to borrow the ritchie tiger suit for kinky sex? hypothetically speaking of course.
from text

Sunday, 10:56 a.m.
Dude, I don’t know how Snoop Dogg does it. I smoked so many joints and blunts this week that my lungs hurt. [wuss]
from text