Note: This story appeared in our April Fools Distorter issue and is for comedic value only.
Tuesday, 1:45 p.m.
Hello, RIT Rings. Do you believe that by perpetuating
digital media, we create our own
universes capable of intelligent thought and
suffering? So, every time someone calls your
digital answering machine, perhaps the calls
themselves take on life within the machine
and create myths and theories about the nature
of their creators? Have you ever taken a
class with Amit Ray?
Wednesday, 3:02 a.m.
What did one nihilist say to the other? He didn’t say anything;
he was too busy being nihilistic. Ho ho ho!
Wednesday, 9:42 p.m.
Yes, please write down, ten copies of
“Best Bands from 1996” to be delivered
to: C for cantankerous, A for afflictive, B
for bellicose, located in Building 4, room
A-402. Thank you!
Thursday, 7:43 p.m.
I am so intoxicated that I just ended
a sentence with a preposition! I currently
have an outrageous amount of
disdain for such officious grammatical
regulations, but I sense that I may regret
or fail to recall such loathing once
the morning hours dawn upon me.
Friday, 8:04 p.m.
We are completely
and totally inebriated.
that one of my
servants has upchucked
prize polo pony.
Friday, 8:59 p.m.
Is your textbook on modernist art
and architecture riveting? Then I
guess you better stop it before it
makes too big of a building!
Saturday, 4:27 p.m.
Rings, my mother opines
that one should think
of GPAs as one does of
breasts. Keep them up, or
become Lindsay Lohan.
Saturday, 6:35 p.m.
This economic recession is absolute [poppycock].
Saturday, 4:34 a.m.
Somebody has set off the fire alarm, and I am
standing outdoors. It is nice to get some fresh
air. Surely it was just a mistake; I forgive the
offender. I am glad that the local emergency services
have responded quickly.