Note: This story appeared in our April Fools Distorter issue and is for comedic value only.
Food | Burger | $3.69
(glamour discount available)
by Barry “Coco” Glitters
The days of bacon, lettuce and tomato dominating the realm of burger toppings are soooo 1996. The super chefs of RIT put their heads together and looked for an answer just south of the border — guacamole. If you’ve never dreamed of such a clever concoction, then prepare yourself, my friend, for the GBLT Burger. This new offering, which will soon be available at a cafeteria near you, is sure to stir up some queer looks from students.
I had the opportunity to sample this “fierce” burger at the Commons, one of RIT’s more established eateries overlooking the Gordon Field House. The cafeteria offered two versions of this burger, allowing me a choice between a double-layered soft taco version and a double wiener, toasted bun combo. During my sampling of the two burgers, I found it much easier and more enjoyable to sink my teeth into the tacos than it was to wrap my mouth around those two huge, flame broiled wieners. I was just thankful that they stopped at two, for had there been three, I would have been like a pterodactyl (you know what I mean).
However, this new burger left me with a feeling that something was amiss. I had to ask the question: why was there not a third option to this burger? The answer I received from the chef was somewhat surprising. “I just didn’t know how to make a burger that was neither taco nor wiener. It’s not what God would have wanted,” the six-foot-tall dark skinned, hunk of a Latino chef explained. This left me wondering why he didn’t put himself on the menu as the third option. Yum!
Overall, the burgers are both worth a try for anyone looking to spice things up, and if you are not totally impressed, you can always ask to speak to the chef — totally worth the price. The GBLT is definitely here to stay, and for your convenience it will be on menus all across campus. Be on the lookout, OMG. It’s “super-delish.”