Note: This story appeared in our April Fools Distorter issue and is for comedic value only.

by Nyke Bovée

Amid the rush that was March Madness, one piece of news has nearly slipped the headlines: RIT’s Humans versus Zombies (HvZ) team has advanced to Division 1 in the National Zombie Alertness Association (NZAA), the highest tier for any zombie-related collegiate sport. Considered a childish game in its early years, most criticism mysteriously disappeared after Umbrella Corporation’s first visit to RIT’s career fair in 2008. The subsequent ‘accidental’ release of their experimental t-virus has ensured that the game maintains a dedicated, albeit terrified, following.

HvZ has seen some rocky times since its creation in 2007. Initially confused for an actual zombie invasion, moderators had failed to convince then-RIT president Sal Stallone of the game’s harmlessness. The game was shut down, and for two years RIT watched as the world of competitive HvZ passed it by. This changed in 2009, when the outbreak of the Solanum virus led the Institute to reinstate it as a campus-wide zombie reduction measure.

Although RIT’s first team was tragically wiped out by the University of Rochester’s zombies in an early 2010 practice match, it has gone on to recreate itself and has been the top—scoring D3 college for the past three seasons. When asked about potential concerns, fourth year Biohazard Control major Ash Williams emphasized the tough competition. “Raccoon City College and Popcap University are some of the strongest competitors out there, and they have some dirty tricks,” he stated. He cited Popcap’s strategy of arming zombies with hardhats, as well their heavy recruitment of zombie pole vaulters and even the rare and terrifying Zomboni.

Even against teams like that, with this past year’s record of 12 campuses cleaned, RIT stands a solid chance of continuing its rise to the best dart-blasting, sock-throwing team around.